just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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