woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
