OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
