Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
