A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize