dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
