the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
