All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize