Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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