you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
