Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
