I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
