Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize