he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
