my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
