oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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