I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
