I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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