mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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