so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
