Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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