I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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