if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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