you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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