literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
