She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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