Will you blow on my dice?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
wow bdsm is so cute
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
