So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize