I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm passing your future prison.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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