He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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