You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
