my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
