Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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