I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
