I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
