i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
