Yo dont text me then not text me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
