A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
