I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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