mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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