the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
