i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
