Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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