Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
