she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
