you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
