Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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