think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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