i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
