Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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