I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
