you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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