Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
