Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
