This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
