PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
