bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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