I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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