It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
