i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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