OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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