I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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