No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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