i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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