Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
