it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
