My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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