just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
