I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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