addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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