somebody snuck up and got me drunk
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
