Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
