I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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