I have demons in me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
