I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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