yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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