just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
