Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
