I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
