people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
