true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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