I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
