It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
