i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I stole a fireplace last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize