I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
