i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
