Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
