you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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