I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
