I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize