No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so much tequila, so little girl.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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