Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
