I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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