I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
