I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
