I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize