I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We have started to decorate penises.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
