She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
