This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
