I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
